Sermon 2nd May 2010
Today, our Curate, Gill Tayleur continues our study of John 11, the story of Lazarus.
In case you haven’t been in church for a couple of weeks, or are new:
This is the 3rd week in a series of 5 sermons, which are different from usual. They are 5 personal reflections on life, suffering & death, and on how Jesus has met with us in those times. In the first, Cameron spoke of his experience of living with Jocelyn’s incurable illness. Last week Adjoa spoke about her experience of depression. Today it’s me. I’m not going to speak of pain & suffering I have been through myself – although I have, as nearly all of us have – but instead I want to speak about drawing alongside others in their pain & suffering. For, although there are people in this church and St Sav/Pauls who are going though very tough times indeed right now, there are many others who are in an easier & happier place in their lives at the moment.
So I want to talk about how we can support & care for others in their time of trouble or suffering. And I do so partly because I’ve been on the receiving end of other people’s love & support when I’ve been through tough times, and really been helped by it.
Partly because I’ve sometimes been able to give some support to others when they’ve needed it. But I do so mostly because since getting this little white bit of plastic round my neck a year & half ago, I’ve seen a lot more of the pains and burdens people carry. Clergy are privileged to be trusted with hearing about people’s private & personal problems.
Having said that, giving care & support for those who need it, of course, effects us ALL. Put your hand up if you know someone who’s going through a tough time at the moment? Illness, bereavement, unemployment, marriage breakdown, debt, victims of crime, violence, addiction. Know anyone facing such tough times?... Exactly! This is for everyone.
This sermon series is given in the context of the story of Jesus and Lazarus. In the part of that story we’ve just read, John says “Many Judeans/ Jews had come to see Martha & Mary to comfort them over their brother’s death. / in the loss of their brother.” We all know what it’s like to see someone who needs comfort in their troubles. We all know what it’s like to see someone deeply distressed, whether by the death of someone they loved, like Martha & Mary, or by another of life’s blows. To say it can be uncomfortable for us is an understatement. Especially if it’s someone we love, it can be excruciating for us too,
to see them in pain, physical or emotional. It may stir up our own memories of pain/ loss. It may make us feel angry about their situation, whether or not the person themselves is angry. It may make us ask, Lord why? It’s too much for them! And it may make us feel powerless. There’s nothing I can do to make it better. Nothing I can do to take it all away, to give them what they’ve lost, or what they need. I wish I could, so so much! Or it may simply make us feel a bit awkward. What do I say, where do I put myself, with them all upset like this? Depending who the person is, and the situation we’re in, we may simply want to run away. The other person’s pain or trouble may be too uncomfortable for us to stay with.
But having the dog collar has meant sometimes when I’ve wanted to run away, I can’t! At the hospital with a young woman in a secure ward for the mentally ill. Not a comfortable place to be. At the hospital by the bedside of someone dying, with their family. Such situations have forced me to stay, literally, in that uncomfortable place. To stay with my discomfort and with the questions about me and my life they throw up: (What’s it like to die?
When & how will it happen to me? What do I really believe in my heart of hearts, about suffering, & dying? and so on.)
All of that’s important, but in those situations of being with someone else in their pain, at that time, the MOST important thing, the ONLY important thing, is THEM. I have to ignore or get over my discomfort and stay with them. In those cases, literally stay with them, right there in the hospital or in their home.
It’s such an obvious thing I know, but sometimes 1 of the most valuable things we can give someone is to stay with them, to really listen to them, that they might feel understood. Whether it’s the story of how their mother died, or their accident, or how they lost their job,
often people need to talk about their experience, not just once but over & over again. It’s how we humans process things. As is crying. We know it can be a help to cry, so let’s not try to stop them, or try to cheer them up, or change the subject. And if you’re anything like me, on occasion, you may end up shedding the odd tear with them. That’s OK too. We read later in this Lazarus story, that Jesus wept. Wept for several reasons probably - that may or may not be explored in a later sermon - but surely one of the things that moved him must have been Martha & Mary’s grief?
Another thing I’m learning is not to be too worried about what to say. Yes of course we need to think before we speak, especially as often it’s our listening they need from us, not our words. But worrying about what to say to someone who has gone through a trauma of some sort? People often avoid seeing someone who has recently been bereaved, for example,
for fear of what to say. We just need to say something kind. To say “I don’t know what to say,
but I’m so sorry to hear your news.” Or put a note through their door to say we’re thinking of them. Communicate however we like, but let’s do it. People say the sense of isolation after a bereavement can be huge, and add to their pain. How sad is that?!
Another thing I’m learning is that people can need support for a long time. Some pains and losses don’t go away; the person just learns to live with them. It’s no good saying, you should be over this by now. Being there for the long haul can be important.
For many people, the main practical thing we can do to support them is to listen. But in some situations, there are other practical ways we can help. We have a great system here in church of providing meals for people if they need it. Sara Bredemear/ Geraldine Garner
co-ordinates it, if you want to help, or know someone who could do with it. Offering the practical help of a lift, or to do the shopping, or ironing, or babysit. Let’s not say, “let me know if there’s anything I can do to help” as often the person won’t have the oomph to ask.
Better to say, “may I bring you a meal one night this week? How about Tuesday or Wednesday?” or whatever. There are people in the church who support others financially too, where it’s needed. [If you don’t know about the ChurchWarden’s Fund, there’s a paragraph explaining it on page 11 of the St Sav AGM booklet at the back of church.]
I think we’re quite good at some of this stuff, as a church family, in supporting the situations we know about. Although I bet there are many more we don’t know about, and so can’t give support. Someone recently passed this comment on to Cameron and the leaders.
“About our church and suffering: I feel God may be saying that he brings people to our church because it is a place where people don't have to suffer in silence. They can be upfront & honest about what is going on for them, because they know they will be supported. People will suffer those things regardless but God brings them to our church –
a place where their suffering will be cushioned by the people they have around them,
with people whose eyes are fixed on heaven and who have a love for one another.
I think our church is a gift to the suffering.”
What an encouragement – and challenge – to do all we can to love & support one another.
It’s for ALL of us, not just us with dog collars. Obviously the 3 of us can’t provide that level of care for the 300 people in our congregations, plus parishioners! Together as the church, we are (all) the body of Christ. We are to be his hands and feet, the practical expression of his love, to one another. That is often how God shows his love for us, through his people. Cameron said 2 weeks ago, that he & his family have received God’s care through the care of us in the church family.
“People whose eyes are fixed on heaven.” That brings me to the biggest most important thing we can do to care for those we know with troubles. Pray. Pray pray pray.
Back to the story of Lazarus for a minute. A bit later on, at the bottom of the first column on the back of the blue card, in the last column of the blue card, we read that Jesus said
to take away the stone that was across the cave tomb. Martha exclaimed that after 4 days in there, Lazarus’ body would have started to rot and there would be a terrible stink. Still, they did it, they took the stone away, and straight away Jesus prays thanking God that he has been heard, before he calls Lazarus out of the tomb. Why does Jesus thank God at that moment, before Lazarus comes out? Because when the stone is rolled away and there’s no bad smell, he knows God has answered his prayer to raise Lazarus to life. And Bishop Tom Wright says this may explain what Jesus was doing while he stayed where he was, miles away, for another 2 days before going to Bethany. He may have been praying those 2 days!
Praying Lazarus’ body didn’t start to decompose.
We can’t be sure about that, but it makes sense to me. What we are sure about is that Jesus prayed often, in all sorts of situations. If Jesus prayed for others, then how much more might we need to do so! And often when we’re in a crisis or overwhelmed with troubles, somehow we can’t do it ourselves. When our son John was taken into hospital with a mystery illness and in intensive care (only for one night and he recovered fully), I could cry, “God, help!” but nothing more. I was in a bubble of unreality, fear & anxiety, & couldn’t concentrate on prayer But I knew that others were praying for us, and it meant a lot to me. And John got better.
Both Cameron and Adjoa’s sermons have shown us very clearly, that God doesn’t always make everything better, or heal us, or take away our pain. But that God is with us in the pain, the mess, the despair. So I’m not suggesting a simplistic: pray for those in trouble and it’ll all get better. Sometimes it does, wonderfully! But often our prayers are answered, not as we’re crying out for, but with what Adjoa called last week, God’s safety net of absolute grace.
Knowing that we are safe in God’s grace, no matter how it looks or feels. No matter how bad our situation. So we pray for those in trouble, pray pray pray!
Even when they can’t hold on to much – or any – faith or trust in God, we can pray to our, and their, loving Father in heaven. Whatever we are going through, God knows, he cares, he is right with us in our suffering. We know that from looking at the cross. God loves us so much that he has sent his son Jesus to die for us, so that we can know him with us now,
if we choose to. And so that when we’re done in this life, we will live with him forever, in the new heaven and new earth, the new existence, which he is preparing for those that love him. Jesus said, I am the resurrection & the life. Those who believe in me will live, even though they die; and all those who live & believe in me will never die/ I am the resurrection & the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives & believes in me will never die.
Suffering won’t go on forever! As Cameron said in his sermon 2 weeks ago, we haven’t got to the end of the story yet. And meanwhile, whether at the moment we’re in a really hard painful place, or whether we’re being the comforter to others, let us go on putting one foot in front of the other, in faith and trust. Let us choose to believe, that however it looks and feels here & now, God IS good, all the time! And all the time....? God is good!
So let’s pray: Heavenly Father, thank you for your love, and your safety net of grace. May we show that love to one another, within and reaching out from, our church family. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
In case you haven’t been in church for a couple of weeks, or are new:
This is the 3rd week in a series of 5 sermons, which are different from usual. They are 5 personal reflections on life, suffering & death, and on how Jesus has met with us in those times. In the first, Cameron spoke of his experience of living with Jocelyn’s incurable illness. Last week Adjoa spoke about her experience of depression. Today it’s me. I’m not going to speak of pain & suffering I have been through myself – although I have, as nearly all of us have – but instead I want to speak about drawing alongside others in their pain & suffering. For, although there are people in this church and St Sav/Pauls who are going though very tough times indeed right now, there are many others who are in an easier & happier place in their lives at the moment.
So I want to talk about how we can support & care for others in their time of trouble or suffering. And I do so partly because I’ve been on the receiving end of other people’s love & support when I’ve been through tough times, and really been helped by it.
Partly because I’ve sometimes been able to give some support to others when they’ve needed it. But I do so mostly because since getting this little white bit of plastic round my neck a year & half ago, I’ve seen a lot more of the pains and burdens people carry. Clergy are privileged to be trusted with hearing about people’s private & personal problems.
Having said that, giving care & support for those who need it, of course, effects us ALL. Put your hand up if you know someone who’s going through a tough time at the moment? Illness, bereavement, unemployment, marriage breakdown, debt, victims of crime, violence, addiction. Know anyone facing such tough times?... Exactly! This is for everyone.
This sermon series is given in the context of the story of Jesus and Lazarus. In the part of that story we’ve just read, John says “Many Judeans/ Jews had come to see Martha & Mary to comfort them over their brother’s death. / in the loss of their brother.” We all know what it’s like to see someone who needs comfort in their troubles. We all know what it’s like to see someone deeply distressed, whether by the death of someone they loved, like Martha & Mary, or by another of life’s blows. To say it can be uncomfortable for us is an understatement. Especially if it’s someone we love, it can be excruciating for us too,
to see them in pain, physical or emotional. It may stir up our own memories of pain/ loss. It may make us feel angry about their situation, whether or not the person themselves is angry. It may make us ask, Lord why? It’s too much for them! And it may make us feel powerless. There’s nothing I can do to make it better. Nothing I can do to take it all away, to give them what they’ve lost, or what they need. I wish I could, so so much! Or it may simply make us feel a bit awkward. What do I say, where do I put myself, with them all upset like this? Depending who the person is, and the situation we’re in, we may simply want to run away. The other person’s pain or trouble may be too uncomfortable for us to stay with.
But having the dog collar has meant sometimes when I’ve wanted to run away, I can’t! At the hospital with a young woman in a secure ward for the mentally ill. Not a comfortable place to be. At the hospital by the bedside of someone dying, with their family. Such situations have forced me to stay, literally, in that uncomfortable place. To stay with my discomfort and with the questions about me and my life they throw up: (What’s it like to die?
When & how will it happen to me? What do I really believe in my heart of hearts, about suffering, & dying? and so on.)
All of that’s important, but in those situations of being with someone else in their pain, at that time, the MOST important thing, the ONLY important thing, is THEM. I have to ignore or get over my discomfort and stay with them. In those cases, literally stay with them, right there in the hospital or in their home.
It’s such an obvious thing I know, but sometimes 1 of the most valuable things we can give someone is to stay with them, to really listen to them, that they might feel understood. Whether it’s the story of how their mother died, or their accident, or how they lost their job,
often people need to talk about their experience, not just once but over & over again. It’s how we humans process things. As is crying. We know it can be a help to cry, so let’s not try to stop them, or try to cheer them up, or change the subject. And if you’re anything like me, on occasion, you may end up shedding the odd tear with them. That’s OK too. We read later in this Lazarus story, that Jesus wept. Wept for several reasons probably - that may or may not be explored in a later sermon - but surely one of the things that moved him must have been Martha & Mary’s grief?
Another thing I’m learning is not to be too worried about what to say. Yes of course we need to think before we speak, especially as often it’s our listening they need from us, not our words. But worrying about what to say to someone who has gone through a trauma of some sort? People often avoid seeing someone who has recently been bereaved, for example,
for fear of what to say. We just need to say something kind. To say “I don’t know what to say,
but I’m so sorry to hear your news.” Or put a note through their door to say we’re thinking of them. Communicate however we like, but let’s do it. People say the sense of isolation after a bereavement can be huge, and add to their pain. How sad is that?!
Another thing I’m learning is that people can need support for a long time. Some pains and losses don’t go away; the person just learns to live with them. It’s no good saying, you should be over this by now. Being there for the long haul can be important.
For many people, the main practical thing we can do to support them is to listen. But in some situations, there are other practical ways we can help. We have a great system here in church of providing meals for people if they need it. Sara Bredemear/ Geraldine Garner
co-ordinates it, if you want to help, or know someone who could do with it. Offering the practical help of a lift, or to do the shopping, or ironing, or babysit. Let’s not say, “let me know if there’s anything I can do to help” as often the person won’t have the oomph to ask.
Better to say, “may I bring you a meal one night this week? How about Tuesday or Wednesday?” or whatever. There are people in the church who support others financially too, where it’s needed. [If you don’t know about the ChurchWarden’s Fund, there’s a paragraph explaining it on page 11 of the St Sav AGM booklet at the back of church.]
I think we’re quite good at some of this stuff, as a church family, in supporting the situations we know about. Although I bet there are many more we don’t know about, and so can’t give support. Someone recently passed this comment on to Cameron and the leaders.
“About our church and suffering: I feel God may be saying that he brings people to our church because it is a place where people don't have to suffer in silence. They can be upfront & honest about what is going on for them, because they know they will be supported. People will suffer those things regardless but God brings them to our church –
a place where their suffering will be cushioned by the people they have around them,
with people whose eyes are fixed on heaven and who have a love for one another.
I think our church is a gift to the suffering.”
What an encouragement – and challenge – to do all we can to love & support one another.
It’s for ALL of us, not just us with dog collars. Obviously the 3 of us can’t provide that level of care for the 300 people in our congregations, plus parishioners! Together as the church, we are (all) the body of Christ. We are to be his hands and feet, the practical expression of his love, to one another. That is often how God shows his love for us, through his people. Cameron said 2 weeks ago, that he & his family have received God’s care through the care of us in the church family.
“People whose eyes are fixed on heaven.” That brings me to the biggest most important thing we can do to care for those we know with troubles. Pray. Pray pray pray.
Back to the story of Lazarus for a minute. A bit later on, at the bottom of the first column on the back of the blue card, in the last column of the blue card, we read that Jesus said
to take away the stone that was across the cave tomb. Martha exclaimed that after 4 days in there, Lazarus’ body would have started to rot and there would be a terrible stink. Still, they did it, they took the stone away, and straight away Jesus prays thanking God that he has been heard, before he calls Lazarus out of the tomb. Why does Jesus thank God at that moment, before Lazarus comes out? Because when the stone is rolled away and there’s no bad smell, he knows God has answered his prayer to raise Lazarus to life. And Bishop Tom Wright says this may explain what Jesus was doing while he stayed where he was, miles away, for another 2 days before going to Bethany. He may have been praying those 2 days!
Praying Lazarus’ body didn’t start to decompose.
We can’t be sure about that, but it makes sense to me. What we are sure about is that Jesus prayed often, in all sorts of situations. If Jesus prayed for others, then how much more might we need to do so! And often when we’re in a crisis or overwhelmed with troubles, somehow we can’t do it ourselves. When our son John was taken into hospital with a mystery illness and in intensive care (only for one night and he recovered fully), I could cry, “God, help!” but nothing more. I was in a bubble of unreality, fear & anxiety, & couldn’t concentrate on prayer But I knew that others were praying for us, and it meant a lot to me. And John got better.
Both Cameron and Adjoa’s sermons have shown us very clearly, that God doesn’t always make everything better, or heal us, or take away our pain. But that God is with us in the pain, the mess, the despair. So I’m not suggesting a simplistic: pray for those in trouble and it’ll all get better. Sometimes it does, wonderfully! But often our prayers are answered, not as we’re crying out for, but with what Adjoa called last week, God’s safety net of absolute grace.
Knowing that we are safe in God’s grace, no matter how it looks or feels. No matter how bad our situation. So we pray for those in trouble, pray pray pray!
Even when they can’t hold on to much – or any – faith or trust in God, we can pray to our, and their, loving Father in heaven. Whatever we are going through, God knows, he cares, he is right with us in our suffering. We know that from looking at the cross. God loves us so much that he has sent his son Jesus to die for us, so that we can know him with us now,
if we choose to. And so that when we’re done in this life, we will live with him forever, in the new heaven and new earth, the new existence, which he is preparing for those that love him. Jesus said, I am the resurrection & the life. Those who believe in me will live, even though they die; and all those who live & believe in me will never die/ I am the resurrection & the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives & believes in me will never die.
Suffering won’t go on forever! As Cameron said in his sermon 2 weeks ago, we haven’t got to the end of the story yet. And meanwhile, whether at the moment we’re in a really hard painful place, or whether we’re being the comforter to others, let us go on putting one foot in front of the other, in faith and trust. Let us choose to believe, that however it looks and feels here & now, God IS good, all the time! And all the time....? God is good!
So let’s pray: Heavenly Father, thank you for your love, and your safety net of grace. May we show that love to one another, within and reaching out from, our church family. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
posted by Parish Administrator at 12:41 pm
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